Forever changed. Forever free. Forever thankful.

Tomorrow is June 1, 2012. The day that I am supposed to be leaving for my mission trip to Swaziland. If you had talked to me a week ago, I would have told you that I had officially raised all my funds and was beginning to pack. All my skirts were bought, all my meds were prescribed, and all my shots were given to me. The plane tickets were bought. The backpack was puchased. The mosquito nets were nestled in the bottom of my duffle bag. I was ready to embark on this journey to Swaziland.

Then God intervened.

Without going into a lot of detail, God redirected my path for this summer. I will no longer be going to Africa. This decision was not made lightly. Discernment, prayer and hours in God's word led me to make this decision. This was one of the hardest decisions of my life. So, instead of boarding a plane to Swaziland tomorrow... I will be waking up in my bedroom in Piedmont, Missouri.

Not going to Swaziland isn't the only "rough" thing that has come my way over the past two weeks. There have been other personal matters that I've had to deal with. There has been heartbreak and loss. There have been tears shed for hours. There have been moments of questioning and moments of doubt. There have been pages and pages of journal entries written. There have been poems written at 2 in the morning. ...All of this has made me realize that even in the hardest moments of our lives, we can still turn to Christ. We can still choose to praise Him. We can still choose to turn to Him instead of the temporary pleasures of this world. When the crap hits the fan...where are you going to turn? I've had to completely rely on God during the past two weeks. He has taught me things and revealed to me things about myself that I didn't really want to face. He completely changed who I am in a matter of two short weeks. My view of Him has changed. My view of my sin and struggles have changed. My view of hope, freedom, joy, and love have all changed. My view of truth has changed. During the times that I have felt completely alone, He has reminded me that I am never alone. I am never alone. He is always here for me. He is always listening. He is with me during my sadness. He is with me during my pain. He is with me during my heartache. He is ALWAYS with me. It has been amazing to truly believe and live out these truths. It has been two of the hardest weeks of my life, but God is bigger than all of it. He is the rock that I can cling to during these times. He is the shelter from the storm. He is the peace in the midst of all the chaos. He is the One that I can place my entire life into His hands and say, "Lord, I trust You."

These two weeks have been hard. But...God is teaching me how to wait for Him. He is teaching me to conquer fear and face the giants in my life. He is teaching me what living in freedom looks like on a daily basis. He is teaching me how to disown my pride and how to disobey my idols. He is teaching me what it looks like to truly love someone, more than I love myself. He is teaching me what it looks like to be a Proverbs 31 woman. He is teaching me how to pray consistently for something and wait in expectation for Him to answer. He is teaching me what it means to be beautiful. He is teaching me what it means to rely on him alone. He is teaching me what it means to find my identity in Christ. He is teaching me what sacrifice looks like. He is teaching me what hope looks like. He is teaching me what love looks like. He is teaching me that I can trust Him in all circumstances. He is teaching me how to live in hope for the future, and not live in my past. He is teaching me what it looks like to be a woman of the Lord. He is teaching me to be strong and courageous. He is teaching me to be supportive and gentle. He is teaching me how to let my words honor Him. He is teaching me how to effectively communicate with those around me. He is teaching me to break the negative patterns in my life. He is teaching me to live life in thankfulness to Him. He is teaching me to wake up in the morning and say "Dear Lord" and to go to bed at night saying "Amen." He is teaching me to be joyful in all circumstances. He is teaching me to wake up and be thankful for the little things in life. He is teaching me how to never take any moment or any person for granted. He is teaching me. He is growing me. He is stretching me. He is changing me. He is molding me. He is strengthening me. He is loving me. He is holding me.

These past two weeks have been devestating and hard. But God has done a work in my heart and life and that will not go to waste. God isn't taking me to Swaziland anymore, but that doesn't mean that my summer isn't going to be an adventure with the Lord. It has already begun. He is already working.
What am I going to be doing this summer? Well, I am going to start my new job early! For those of you that don't know, I was going to start a new job in August when I got back from Swaziland. Now, however, I get to start that job early! I am the new Assistant Director of Student Ministries at Bonhomme Presbyterian Church in Chesterfield, MO. I will be working 20 hours a week with the Jr. High and High Schools students! I am so STOKED! I get to hang out with some of the coolest kids on the planet all summer long. How do I know that they are cool? Well, I just got back from their Denver Mission Trip. They are staying for a week, but I got to hang out with them for a couple days. I saw their love for the Lord, their desire for community, and their hearts for the homeless. They are some of the most fun and energetic kids ever. That being said, if any of you all know a place for me to stay this summer near Chesterfield, MO...let me know :) What else am I up too? Well, I am teaching myself how to play the guitar :) I already know two songs! Also, I am painting a lot! I'm not the greatest, but it's really fun! ...I also have a lot of time to read. I'm currently reading, "War of Words" by Paul David Tripp. It's a really awesome book that gets to the heart of a lot of communication problems that we have as humans. I've had the book for about three years now, but just opened it a week ago and it's really awesome.

God is so good. God is so faithful. God is so powerful. There are still several things in my life right now that I am sorting through and praying that God would restore. If you all could keep me in your prayers as I continue to wait on the Lord and trust His timing. One thing that I am learning is how to pray for something that is on my heart consistently and tell God what I desire instead of worrying and wondering about it all. It has been a blessing to see how He calms my heart and comes to my rescue.
If you all have any questions, feel free to call or text or email or FB me. I'd love to talk with you all more about what it is going on and what God is up to. Also, if you supported my mission trip financially...I will be in contact with each of you soon. Thank you for your support and your continued support as I fervently follow the Lord.

In His love,
Hayley G.