"Love has a way of making doubting hearts believe."
"I've come to believe that in everyone's life, there's one undeniable moment of change, a set of circumstances that suddenly alters everything." That quote comes from the book Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks. Aka...the best book every written by him. A movie is coming out next February for it. If I could buy my ticket right now---I would. My "one undeniable moment of change" happened at the start of this summer...when all my plans came crumbling down in my hands.
So, the past month has been a time full of tears, questions, doubt, hurt, pain, and loss. The past month has been a time of joy, peace, love, laughter, and surrender. A month full of growth. God is so good to me. He has been teaching me more than I could have ever asked for. He has healed me in ways that I never thought possible. He has shown me things that I would have never understood before. Obviously---this all came at a cost. Control has always been an idol for me. I've wanted to control my heart. I've wanted to make sure that I wouldn't let anyone in because I didn't want my heart to break. I've wanted to control my life. I've wanted to control my future. I've wanted to control everything. I wouldn't have said this, of course. Who wants to admit that? But it's the truth. Over the past month, God has shown me how much control I don't have. Pride buster. He's usually pretty polite about revealing things to our hearts...but this time around---God wasn't playing any games. I think God probably got annoyed with the fact that I kept trying to force myself to not let go of my past and move into a beautiful future. I think He probably was fed up with the fact that I kept running back to things that were hurting my relationship with Him. He was probably really frustrated that I kept running back to who I used to be---even though that person is dead, gone, and buried. I kept digging up old graves. I kept hanging out with dead pieces of myself (ew. morbid). And I think God finally had enough. God finally said to my heart, "Hayley. Grow up!" God is patient. Don't doubt that. He has been extremely patient with me. He will continue to be patient with me. However, it was time that I grow up. It was time that I let go. It was time that I move on. And God was going to accomplish that. God forced my hands open. God forced my eyes open. God forced my heart open. I was left crying on the floor. Until I was able to look up at Him and say with tear-soaked eyes..."Thank You, Jesus. Thank you for forcing open my eyes to see Your glory. Thank You for forcing open my hands to let go of my false control. Thank You for forcing my heart open to feel alive and experience love." It was in that moment where I realized that He didn't do this to hurt me, but to heal me. God is so faithful to His promises.
Over the past month, God has been revealing to me a lot about love. For example. you can't control love. You can't control when it happens to you. You can't control when it leaves you. You can't control it. I guess that's why they call it falling in love. You can't keep it from happening. It just...happens. I don't think you just wake up on day and say "Hey. I've fallen in love!" Nah, I think it's something that happens too naturally. It's something that takes over each part of your life. It's something that makes you come alive. I've written about love on this blog before. I think it had something to do with the fact that I had no idea what love is. I had no idea why people thought it was enjoyable. From what I can recall, it was a pretty pathetic post. I wouldn't recommend wasting your time trying to find it. I don't even remember when I wrote it or why I wrote it. It's crazy looking back on posts like that and being like "Woah. Did I really write that? Thank the Lord for making me someone new since that day." I know exactly what love is now. It's so much more than I can even say in words. All I know---Love overtakes you. Love comforts you. Love heals you. Love breaks you. Love quiets you. Love protects you. Love makes you come alive. Love helps you feel. Love is something you can't control. Love is selfless. Love is full of hope. Love is full of anticipation. Love is scary. Love is amazing. Love is beautiful. Love is full of second chances. Love is worth it. Love isn't easy to understand. Love tears down walls. Love smacks us awake. Love understands the deepest parts of us. Love isn't easy. Love is fearless. Love has a way of making doubting hearts believe.
I may have never experienced 'true love' with a prince charming on this earth yet, but I've experienced true love with my Father in heaven. And that will always be enough.
I never used to be a dreamer. But now...I am. I'm not afraid to dream because I know that God is in control. He knows the desires of my heart and He will give them to me. I am free!!!---therefore, I am free to dream!
I want to passionately love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.
I want to slow-dance in the rain. I want to make-out in a thunderstorm.
I want to wrap my arms around a man and tell him how much I adore him,
I want to wake up in the morning with the love of my life by my side.
I want to get married.
I want to be a mother to beautiful children.
I want to live in a house filled with love, joy, and grace.
I want to climb a super tall mountain.
I want to run through creeks with my children.
I want to go to exotic places. I want to go to Paris. I want to go to Africa.
I want to sit on a front porch and rock with my grandkids.
I want to go on a walk by a frozen river in a snow-storm.
I want to have dinner by candle-light.
I want to read bible stories to my children.
I want to lay in the back of a pickup truck and kiss until the sun comes up.
I want to live a life of unexpectedness.
I want to change the world.
"I will live with my heart open and trust God to go before me as a Shield or come behind me as a Healer, but I will not close up my heart for fear of it breaking me."
PS "Keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-5GnZYxI4M
In His grip,
HG
So, the past month has been a time full of tears, questions, doubt, hurt, pain, and loss. The past month has been a time of joy, peace, love, laughter, and surrender. A month full of growth. God is so good to me. He has been teaching me more than I could have ever asked for. He has healed me in ways that I never thought possible. He has shown me things that I would have never understood before. Obviously---this all came at a cost. Control has always been an idol for me. I've wanted to control my heart. I've wanted to make sure that I wouldn't let anyone in because I didn't want my heart to break. I've wanted to control my life. I've wanted to control my future. I've wanted to control everything. I wouldn't have said this, of course. Who wants to admit that? But it's the truth. Over the past month, God has shown me how much control I don't have. Pride buster. He's usually pretty polite about revealing things to our hearts...but this time around---God wasn't playing any games. I think God probably got annoyed with the fact that I kept trying to force myself to not let go of my past and move into a beautiful future. I think He probably was fed up with the fact that I kept running back to things that were hurting my relationship with Him. He was probably really frustrated that I kept running back to who I used to be---even though that person is dead, gone, and buried. I kept digging up old graves. I kept hanging out with dead pieces of myself (ew. morbid). And I think God finally had enough. God finally said to my heart, "Hayley. Grow up!" God is patient. Don't doubt that. He has been extremely patient with me. He will continue to be patient with me. However, it was time that I grow up. It was time that I let go. It was time that I move on. And God was going to accomplish that. God forced my hands open. God forced my eyes open. God forced my heart open. I was left crying on the floor. Until I was able to look up at Him and say with tear-soaked eyes..."Thank You, Jesus. Thank you for forcing open my eyes to see Your glory. Thank You for forcing open my hands to let go of my false control. Thank You for forcing my heart open to feel alive and experience love." It was in that moment where I realized that He didn't do this to hurt me, but to heal me. God is so faithful to His promises.
Over the past month, God has been revealing to me a lot about love. For example. you can't control love. You can't control when it happens to you. You can't control when it leaves you. You can't control it. I guess that's why they call it falling in love. You can't keep it from happening. It just...happens. I don't think you just wake up on day and say "Hey. I've fallen in love!" Nah, I think it's something that happens too naturally. It's something that takes over each part of your life. It's something that makes you come alive. I've written about love on this blog before. I think it had something to do with the fact that I had no idea what love is. I had no idea why people thought it was enjoyable. From what I can recall, it was a pretty pathetic post. I wouldn't recommend wasting your time trying to find it. I don't even remember when I wrote it or why I wrote it. It's crazy looking back on posts like that and being like "Woah. Did I really write that? Thank the Lord for making me someone new since that day." I know exactly what love is now. It's so much more than I can even say in words. All I know---Love overtakes you. Love comforts you. Love heals you. Love breaks you. Love quiets you. Love protects you. Love makes you come alive. Love helps you feel. Love is something you can't control. Love is selfless. Love is full of hope. Love is full of anticipation. Love is scary. Love is amazing. Love is beautiful. Love is full of second chances. Love is worth it. Love isn't easy to understand. Love tears down walls. Love smacks us awake. Love understands the deepest parts of us. Love isn't easy. Love is fearless. Love has a way of making doubting hearts believe.
I may have never experienced 'true love' with a prince charming on this earth yet, but I've experienced true love with my Father in heaven. And that will always be enough.
I never used to be a dreamer. But now...I am. I'm not afraid to dream because I know that God is in control. He knows the desires of my heart and He will give them to me. I am free!!!---therefore, I am free to dream!
I want to passionately love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.
I want to slow-dance in the rain. I want to make-out in a thunderstorm.
I want to wrap my arms around a man and tell him how much I adore him,
I want to wake up in the morning with the love of my life by my side.
I want to get married.
I want to be a mother to beautiful children.
I want to live in a house filled with love, joy, and grace.
I want to climb a super tall mountain.
I want to run through creeks with my children.
I want to go to exotic places. I want to go to Paris. I want to go to Africa.
I want to sit on a front porch and rock with my grandkids.
I want to go on a walk by a frozen river in a snow-storm.
I want to have dinner by candle-light.
I want to read bible stories to my children.
I want to lay in the back of a pickup truck and kiss until the sun comes up.
I want to live a life of unexpectedness.
I want to change the world.
"I will live with my heart open and trust God to go before me as a Shield or come behind me as a Healer, but I will not close up my heart for fear of it breaking me."
PS "Keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-5GnZYxI4M
In His grip,
HG
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